I cannot believe how fast the time went since my last post.. the days just seem to whizz by even faster now that I am not working full time. Happily also, it is getting us closer to the time that my granddaughter will have her little boy and I will be a great grandmother then... He is due on October 25th , so not long to go now. Honestly once one thing is settled, then another upset happens. My eldest boy who I am planning to visit in Feb next year was utterly bereft when his wife told him last sunday that she was no longer wanting to be his wife. That for years she had tried to get the feelings back, but they were never going to , and so it was time to be apart. He said, that sounds like you want us to separate and she said yes... My son was bowled over by this latest development. Since she had been pregnant with their first child, her attitude towards him had changed, and then a whole year later they tried again, and of course she got pregnant again and had another son. Despite all his efforts and the fact that he tried to be the best husband and father ever, she feels its time to pull the plug although she cannot fault him in any way, and says he was always the best..
I understand that some people develop a feeling that is beyond their control after they have had children and no longer feel enamoured of their partners..particularly amongst men, when their wives have become mothers... I just never heard it applied to women too... but I think this is what has happened, and my son has to deal with it best that he can. She had a life plan all written down about what was going to happen by certain years of her life, and she achieved all that by marrying my boy and having the children. If it was a psychological reaction to mother hood and parent hood, she might have benefited by talking to experts who might have helped, but now she refuses anything to do with counselling She has proved to be a wonderful mother, but I dont know if she is truly thinking how this situation is going to impact on those little boys. All too common these days, the children who are the ones that suffer the most I think,.no matter how old you are when it happens.
The day of their marriage, I watched them exchange vows and I could see from her face that she was so deeply in love with him, then motherhood changed all that and very little happened between them for a whole year after the baby came. Then they tried to resurrect the feelings, and the next baby came. Now she feels nothing and cannot put the blame on anyone, just lets move on and change our lives.
Given that they live in Australia, he has to find out his situation regarding staying, if his marriage is over, and if he has to leave, it will be a huge burden on him in keeping contact with his sons...What a terrible thing to happen at this stage of all their lives, but I can only be in touch as much as I can to listen and send love all the time..
Wednesday 28 September 2016
Wednesday 7 September 2016
Its now wednesday 7th September, evening... so the rambles might be timed other than daytime.... we are back from seeing our grandson after his first day at big school He will be 12 in january and this term moved to another school. It was good to see him in his new uniform, and he seemed very calm and collected when he returned after his first full day there. He has a walk that takes him out of the village where he lives.. and it takes him around three quarters of an hour to get to the school. Along the way he stops at various houses to collect his fellow students and they all get to school together. I was very impressed with how calm he was after school > I hope that he continues to like it. He is in the upper section for all subjects, so that pleased his grandad mightily.
We listen to the programme The Archers on Radio 4 every night and have done for years and years. We are now thoroughly engrossed in the episodes that contain a trial with Helen Archer who attacked her abusive husband and is now on trial for her life. She didn't kill him, but certainly thought that she had. Her relationship was very fraught, but cleverly he had worked the relationship so that she was unable to tell anyone that matters were wrong It touches on the subject of abusive relationships and coersive behaviour by the husband. It has created quite a furore in the papers and is absolutely spell binding wondering how it is all going to turn out in the end.
What a lot of people do not realise, thinking that their husband or wife's behaviour is because they are looking after them and protecting them, they could be in a similar abusive relationship without really understanding, which is possibly why this particular radio play has had such an affect, and the help lines are full of enquiries. When you live close with a person it is hard to understand what they might be doing to you... and gradually over the years, your own perspective is worn away and only their one remains. You have stopped thinking for yourself and centre all your thoughts on creating the perfect home and environment for your partner to the detriment of everything else and family .
The real shocker of the episode on the radio was when the wife cried out that he raped her over and over despite her feelings she was not yet ready to have another child..raping her until she conceived finally. I bet that this is not an unknown fact that happens in a lot of relationships.. but its horrific to hear it said out loud. Of course it was never discussed, and besides, if you are married you have to comply with your husband's wishes... or do you? A never ending argument, but certainly food for thought.. because it was only very recently that rape has been agreed can happen within a marriage, before it was totally ignored...
I'm sure that in my past with my first husband there were times when I felt I had to agree against my wishes to have to make love to him,, but when you are young you want to please your man all the time...luckily it never was an issue like a forceable rape...
I do hope that these days the men and boys and women and girls are more aware of what is acceptable and what is not, within a relationship.. [there's certainly enough information about the right way to treat people floating about for anyone to understand... ]
lets hope our children will behave in a good and decent way to their partners and teach their own kids to truly value their partner in life, and give them true love and cherish them properly.
It will be interesting to see how the trial progresses and I bet that when it is over on friday, we shall all be left hanging until the next episode to find out what the verdict is going to be,...
We listen to the programme The Archers on Radio 4 every night and have done for years and years. We are now thoroughly engrossed in the episodes that contain a trial with Helen Archer who attacked her abusive husband and is now on trial for her life. She didn't kill him, but certainly thought that she had. Her relationship was very fraught, but cleverly he had worked the relationship so that she was unable to tell anyone that matters were wrong It touches on the subject of abusive relationships and coersive behaviour by the husband. It has created quite a furore in the papers and is absolutely spell binding wondering how it is all going to turn out in the end.
What a lot of people do not realise, thinking that their husband or wife's behaviour is because they are looking after them and protecting them, they could be in a similar abusive relationship without really understanding, which is possibly why this particular radio play has had such an affect, and the help lines are full of enquiries. When you live close with a person it is hard to understand what they might be doing to you... and gradually over the years, your own perspective is worn away and only their one remains. You have stopped thinking for yourself and centre all your thoughts on creating the perfect home and environment for your partner to the detriment of everything else and family .
The real shocker of the episode on the radio was when the wife cried out that he raped her over and over despite her feelings she was not yet ready to have another child..raping her until she conceived finally. I bet that this is not an unknown fact that happens in a lot of relationships.. but its horrific to hear it said out loud. Of course it was never discussed, and besides, if you are married you have to comply with your husband's wishes... or do you? A never ending argument, but certainly food for thought.. because it was only very recently that rape has been agreed can happen within a marriage, before it was totally ignored...
I'm sure that in my past with my first husband there were times when I felt I had to agree against my wishes to have to make love to him,, but when you are young you want to please your man all the time...luckily it never was an issue like a forceable rape...
I do hope that these days the men and boys and women and girls are more aware of what is acceptable and what is not, within a relationship.. [there's certainly enough information about the right way to treat people floating about for anyone to understand... ]
lets hope our children will behave in a good and decent way to their partners and teach their own kids to truly value their partner in life, and give them true love and cherish them properly.
It will be interesting to see how the trial progresses and I bet that when it is over on friday, we shall all be left hanging until the next episode to find out what the verdict is going to be,...
Hallo again to all that followed me before and any new ones that might find me. I think that it all connects with my last blog, but I am unable to use to write anything new. however, all being well, this new post just might correct it. It feels like ages since I last sat to write anything and for the moment as the heat outside is so humid, I am sitting here just melting** quite a lot has happened in the last few months too.
In February my granddaughter got engaged and was so carried away by her feelings that she soon found herself pregnant although the wedding had been planned for next June! In fact, the baby will be arriving on the 25th of october, or sooner or later..
She has been very fortunate that the time has not caused any illness for her and all is very very well. Last saturday being my 26th wedding anniversary, of course, her best friend organised a surprise baby shower party at my daughter's house in Oxford. So early on the morning, I drove over to be part of the surprise, and there were so many there too.. My daughter was delighted with the turn out and had prepared a little party ... and it was magical to see my grandaughter Charlotte, and how much she loved all the gifts. She really was surprised and was totally lost for words!
After staying a couple of hours I left and drove home. with just one hour to freshen up, John and I went out for a wonderful evening meal to actually celebrate getting through 26 years of marriage.. Most of our lives together has been spent trying to make it work and I think we can safely say we are more in love then ever....so it must be working!
I am going to end this little post here whilst I delve into my other memories of what has happened in the time I have not been blogging and I swear I shall be back with in a few days....
In February my granddaughter got engaged and was so carried away by her feelings that she soon found herself pregnant although the wedding had been planned for next June! In fact, the baby will be arriving on the 25th of october, or sooner or later..
She has been very fortunate that the time has not caused any illness for her and all is very very well. Last saturday being my 26th wedding anniversary, of course, her best friend organised a surprise baby shower party at my daughter's house in Oxford. So early on the morning, I drove over to be part of the surprise, and there were so many there too.. My daughter was delighted with the turn out and had prepared a little party ... and it was magical to see my grandaughter Charlotte, and how much she loved all the gifts. She really was surprised and was totally lost for words!
After staying a couple of hours I left and drove home. with just one hour to freshen up, John and I went out for a wonderful evening meal to actually celebrate getting through 26 years of marriage.. Most of our lives together has been spent trying to make it work and I think we can safely say we are more in love then ever....so it must be working!
I am going to end this little post here whilst I delve into my other memories of what has happened in the time I have not been blogging and I swear I shall be back with in a few days....
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